wrecked

its amazing how the sea or ocean works
with all its strength and tenderness
beauty and sometimes horror...
that is my life summed up...
Never knowing when the high tide is coming or when the low tide will arrive...or the strength of the wave...the only knowledge i have is in God...which is all i need but i still struggle...b/c one one of the most important people in my life was taken in what seemed in seconds...i have stories to share and a testimony to speak but the one thing i would love its to be able to share moments with the love that i lost...no one can understand or fathom...unless they have experience what i have...no words or thoughts or hugs and kisses i receive feels empty...
The only on is God...i know he is there but it is hard to let Him in and sometimes hear his tender voice...There is beauty in what i am walking through in the fact that i have shared and impacted many people with my story...but wishing i didn't have the story to tell...I know God never gives me anything i cant handle...but i am the edge sometimes of just wanted to become a hermit...which i would never do but sometimes feel like it...
He is in control

hmm...

So this is my first blog entry ever
and the only reason why i got it is b/c i needed some thing to write all my emotions and feelings that come with what i am dealing with.
i never know when they are gong to hit me...sometimes its in little instances or in big ones
but i never know when or how long this numbness and feeling will go away?
maybe one day but maybe never
i dont know when i will be able to say i am fine or everythings ok or i am doing great...and really mean it
Nothing can satisfy what i am feeling no drug, person or word can. ever.
i miss her and i know always will but when will i be ok?
i dont know i am out of words and tired...
i know you are wondering who or what i am talking about but a time will come when i will say but for now i am a broken girl with Father whos love is forever abundant and who has pain that no one i know can fathom...